The Supreme Court of Spain ratified in May that removing a condom in the middle of sexual intercourse without the consent of the partner is a crime, as is not using it if it had been agreed. This form of sexual abuse is known around the world as stealthing.
Stealing is a violent act against a partner's reproductive health, as the non-consensual removal of any barrier method can lead to unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. When a person commits this crime, they are taking away their partner's ability to decide about their own reproductive health.
The concept also includes intentionally damaging the condom to diminish its effectiveness and is a practice that has been associated with cisgender men, although the term applies to everyone. For example, if a lesbian woman removes the barrier without her partner's consent, she is also engaging in stealthing.
Why Consent is So Important
It often goes unnoticed, because it is common in contexts where there is a false belief that consent is already implied because it is an established relationship. However, it is important to remember that one of the fundamental characteristics of consent is its specificity: if you consented to have sex with a condom and your partner removes it without consulting you beforehand or does not put it on at all, there is no longer consent. You cannot have sex without consent, because sex without consent is rape.
Stealing in addition to being sexual abuse is emotional abuse. This decision has its origin in the desire for control of one of the partners. It is a power issue. It is common to see this type of practice in abusive relationships to impregnate the victim to prevent her from ending the relationship.
The Misogynistic Origin of Stealthing
The practice of condom withdrawal without permission has occurred for decades and has only in recent years been given media attention, with some media outlets describing it as a "trend", which strips it of its abusive nature and equates it to a choice and a fad.
Stealthing stems from the need for control and misogynistic behavior. A study from the University of Arizona reflected that 35% of men reported using coercive tactics to obtain unprotected sex, invoking the myth that sex with a condom diminishes the sexual pleasure of the person with a penis.
Under this macho reasoning, the subject's pleasure is more important than her partner's health and right to decide. In addition, is part of a range of actions under the term reproductive coercion, in which the perpetrator is generally a heterosexual man who wants to force his partner into an unwanted pregnancy.
To that end, he may use psychological intimidation, deprive the woman of her contraceptive methods of choice, or trick her into making the method ineffective. A 2017 UK survey revealed that half of women had been victims of some of these coercive practices.
What to Do if You or Someone You Know Has Been a Victim of Stealthing?
1. Understand that it is not your fault: if you did not realize it at the time, if you realized it and did not act immediately, if it happened many times before you realized it, it is still not your fault. It is always the fault of the person who violates the agreements and disrespects the sexual autonomy of another person.
2. Get tested for pregnancy and STIs: it is important to rule out that you have contracted an STI or have a pregnancy as a result of stealthing, so go to a doctor who can make sure everything is in order.
3. Seek accompaniment: you have every right to have company to take care of you and help you cope with the experience, this company can be a group of friends, family, or people trained to deal with abusive situations and provide psychological first aid in case you need it.
4. Seek legal assistance: depending on where you live, stealthing may already be classified as a type of sexual abuse and you may be able to report it. If you feel it is in the best interest of your process, you are free to report what happened to you and seek legal justice.
Stealing is a threat and must be made visible, identified and attacked.
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