Sexual Consent: What It Is and What It Isn’t

You’ve probably heard about sexual consent in conversations about safe sex — but maybe you didn’t realize that this concept shapes every interaction we have: friendships, relationships, family dynamics, and everyday situations.Understanding consent not only prevents abuse — it transforms how we relate to ourselves and to others.

So, what is sexual consent?

Sexual consent is a free, informed, reversible, enthusiastic, and specific agreement between everyone involved in a sexual activity.

There is no consent when there is pressure, manipulation, fear, silence, confusion, intoxication, or undisclosed changes like stealthing.Without consent, there is no sex — there is abuse.

For consent to exist, all five characteristics must be present. If even one is missing, consent is no longer valid.

🌱 1. It’s free: no pressure, no fear, no coercion

If there is threat, emotional manipulation, or fear of saying no, there is no sexual consent. No one is obligated to please someone else at the cost of their safety or wellbeing.

🔄 2. It’s reversible: you can change your mind

Even if you said yes before, you can change your mind at any time. “I don’t want to continue” is enough. No explanation needed.

🧠 3. It’s informed: conditions must be clear

To give consent, everyone involved must understand what is going to happen and under what conditions.

A key example: stealthing, the non-consensual removal of a condom. If someone agrees to sex with protection and the other person secretly removes the condom, it becomes sexual abuse because the conditions — and the risks — were changed without informing the other person.

👉 If you want to learn more, you can explore clear information in our app to help you identify false beliefs about consent, safe sex, and emotional pressure.

Emotional honesty matters too. If you want something casual, say so. If you want something serious, say so. Sexual consent is built on transparency.

🔥 4. It’s enthusiastic: a clear yes, never an uncomfortable silence

It is not consent if the other person:

• hesitates

• stays silent

• looks uncomfortable

• says “I’m not sure”

• agrees because of pressure

• is intoxicated, asleep, or unconscious

Sexual consent exists when there is an active, visible, willing “yes.”

🎯 5. It’s specific: a yes to one thing isn’t a yes to everything

If someone consents to kissing, it doesn’t mean they consent to another sexual activity. Each step requires a new confirmation.

💬 “Does talking about consent kill the mood?”

Not at all. Asking for consent can be part of flirting and desire:

“I love kissing you — do you want me to touch you here?”

“This turns me on — do you want to keep going?”

“Do you want to stop or go further?”

Communication is sexy, safe, and necessary.

☕ The simplest example: the cup of coffee

Sexual consent works exactly like offering someone coffee:

• If they say yes → you serve the coffee.

• If they say no → you don’t.

• If they’re unsure → you wait.

• If they change their mind → you respect it.

• If they’re asleep, intoxicated, or unconscious → you never give them coffee.

• If they accepted coffee once → it doesn’t mean they want it today.

Sexual consent doesn’t change depending on trust, familiarity, or the relationship.

Without sexual consent, there is no sex — it’s abuse.

Consent starts with a clear yes — and the freedom to say no.

❤️‍🩹 If these situations make you feel confused or unsure

Sometimes what we experience isn’t clear. If you felt pressured, confused, or uncomfortable, you deserve support and a safe place to understand what happened.

👉 If you have questions about your sexual or reproductive health and want to talk to someone anonymously, safely, and without judgment, you can chat with our support team for free right here.

After a confusing or difficult experience, what can you do?

If something felt unclear or painful, it’s okay to pause, understand, and seek support.

👉 Enter anonymously into the Aya Contigo Self-Care Library There you’ll find tools, myths vs. facts, emotional support, and clear answers about consent, safe sex, and taking care of yourself.