Being there: A guide to supporting someone through their abortion
- Aya
- Jul 29
- 4 min read
As a feminist organization committed to reproductive justice and bodily autonomy, in Aya Contigo, we believe that every person deserves compassionate, non-judgmental support when making decisions about their own body and future. In contexts where accessing safe abortion care can present unique challenges, the role of partners, family, and friends becomes even more crucial.
This guide is for you: the allies, the confidantes, the pillars of support. You have the power to transform a potentially isolating experience into one of warmth, understanding, and empowerment. Being a companion to someone having an abortion is an act of profound love and solidarity.
💚 Your first step: respect
At the heart of feminist support is the principle of bodily autonomy. This means recognizing and upholding a person's right to make decisions about their own body, free from coercion, judgment, or external pressure.
The choice to have an abortion belongs solely to the person facing the pregnancy. Your role is not to influence, persuade, or question their reasons, but to honor their agency. This is about their life, their future, and their well-being.
Listen, truly listen: Create a safe, confidential space where they can express any feeling, relief, sadness, fear, peace, anger, confusion, or a mix of everything, without interruption or judgment. Active listening means being present, empathetic, and validating their emotions, whatever they may be.
Educate yourself, quietly: Understanding the diverse reasons and complex realities behind abortion can deepen your empathy and allow you to offer more informed support. If you hold any misconceptions about abortion, take the initiative to learn from credible, feminist-aligned sources, like our app.
💚 Practical solidarity: get into action
Emotional support is vital, but practical help can alleviate immense stress.
Accompany them discreetly: offer to go with them to appointments, consultations, or the procedure itself. Your presence can be a calming anchor. In settings where public perception and access can be challenging, discretion is key. Be prepared to wait patiently, respect their privacy with healthcare providers, and ensure a calm, private environment.
Navigate logistics: think about the everyday hurdles. Can you arrange transportation to and from the clinic? Offer to help with childcare if they have other children, or assist with time off work if needed. These practicalities can be overwhelming, and your assistance can clear their path.
Prepare for comfort and recovery: ask what they might need for physical and emotional comfort after the procedure. This could include:
Pain relief.
Heating pads or warm compresses for cramps.
Comfortable, loose-fitting clothing.
Their favorite comfort foods, snacks, and hydrating drinks.
Sanitary pads.
Offer to help with light household chores or errands so they can focus on rest.
Resourceful guidance if asked: while you are not a medical professional, if they are seeking information on where to find safe and supportive care, you can discreetly connect them with trusted feminist organizations or helplines that provide accurate, non-judgmental information and accompaniment.
💚 Nurturing their emotional well-being
Recovery from an abortion is a unique and often varied process, both physically and emotionally. Your ongoing, gentle presence can make a difference.
Patience and presence: healing takes time. Be present for them, whether they want to talk, sit in silence, or be distracted. Avoid rushing their feelings or suggesting they should "get over it."
Validate every emotion: they might experience a spectrum of feelings. Affirm them all: "It's okay to feel relieved," "It's okay to feel sad," "However you're feeling right now is valid." There's no right or wrong way to feel.
Offer gentle comfort and distraction: a warm hug, a comforting blanket, or a quiet movie night can go a long way. Follow their lead on what kind of comfort they need. Sometimes, a gentle distraction is exactly what's needed.
Respect their need for space: there might be times when they need solitude to process. Be understanding and don't take it personally if they withdraw temporarily. Let them know you're consistently there when they're ready.
Ongoing check-ins: the support doesn't end after the procedure. Continue to check in in the days, weeks, and even months that follow. A simple text, "Thinking of you, how are you doing today?" can remind them they are cared for and not alone.
💚 What to avoid
To be a truly empowering ally, certain actions and attitudes must be avoided:
Imposing your beliefs: your personal opinions or moral judgments about abortion have no place in this space.
Breaching confidentiality: this is their private experience. Never share details with anyone without their explicit permission.
Minimizing their experience: avoid dismissive phrases like "It was for the best," or "You'll move on quickly." These statements can invalidate their complex emotional journey.
Making assumptions: don't assume you know what they're feeling or what they need. Always ask directly.
Judgmental language: steer clear of any language that implies shame, guilt, or regret.
Being a companion during an abortion is a powerful affirmation of reproductive freedom and human dignity. By offering your respect, practical assistance, and emotional support, you stand in solidarity with someone making a deeply personal choice. Share this guide to abortion support, let's build a big network of supporters.
For more resources and support, please reach out to Aya Contigo. We are here for you and for everyone exercising their right to choose.
⏬ Download or access the app here: https://hola.ayacontigo.org/en/get-the-app
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